Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
