while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize