i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
