forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i think i scared a bird with my dick
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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