I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
