So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
