So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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