Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I supernannyed him into submission
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
