Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize