No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
