Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
