Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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