I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My feet surprised me
Randomize
