I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
