if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
