genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
