sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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