Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
