He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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