I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
