Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
