Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
