Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
