I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
