Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize