Whatcha textin bout Willis?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
