She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
FUCK WHALES
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
