We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
