I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize