how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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