Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
