shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
