God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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