you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize