he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
When are your genitals available?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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