The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize