I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
