hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
