I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
