halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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