I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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