she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
