I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
