Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
