I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
