You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
