you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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