OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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