woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
