nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
My penis needs a shock collar
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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