So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
