Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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