Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
