those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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