I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We have so much sex to catch up on
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize