im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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