where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize