How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
