Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
