your room smells of hookers.
And success
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
