just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
