Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
