Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
