I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
