yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm gonna have a badass scar
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
