How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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