to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
