we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
