in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
