i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize