im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
