why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
