i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
