Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
