"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
