i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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