Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
