At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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