How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
