your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Drake has all the answers
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
