There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
