STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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