69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
