You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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