My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I can't put those talents on a resume
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
