all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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