we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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