Dual....:-)
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
