Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My penis needs a shock collar
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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