is your mom at the bar?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
