I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
