let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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